• Desperate Straits

    Separation means that a marriage is in desperate straits. Healing will require listening, understanding, discipline, change. But hard work can result in the joy of a restored marriage. I know that some of you are saying: “It sounds good, but it won't work. We've tried before. Besides, I don't think…

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  • Separation Calls for Intensive Care

    Separation is not death, although it may seem like “the valley of the shadow of death”. But the shadow of death is not to be equated with death. Separation may be the valley of restoration, and the pain you feel may be labor pains which will give rebirth to your…

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  • Biblical Love Is A Choice

    A man said to me recently: “We have a problem. My wife's sister told us that her husband just left her and is asking for a divorce. She is turning to us for advice. I'm not sure what to tell her. Should she contest the divorce? How do we help…

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  • Do You Need An Evacuation Plan?

    If you are living with a verbally abusive spouse, you need an evacuation plan and you need to share the plan with your spouse. Try this: “I want to share with you a decision I have made. As you know, I have talked with you in the past about how…

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  • Dealing Effectively with Failures

    You don't have to be perfect to have a good marriage. But, you do need to deal effectively with your failures. Otherwise, they sit as barriers to a growing marriage. How do you get rid of past failures? First, you identify them – write them down. Second, you confess them…

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  • Admit that You are Not Perfect

    “Most of us will admit that we are not perfect.” From time to time we say and do things that are not loving, kind, or helpful. In a marriage, these failures build into walls of separation. If you would like to remove past failures, you must first identify them. Get…

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  • Put the Past Behind You

    “Would you like to put the past behind you and start over?” I'm talking about in your marriage. Many couples have so much pain from past failures that they have a hard time moving ahead. Time alone, will not heal hurts. Healing comes when we are willing to confess our…

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  • The Languages of Apology

    What do you say or do when you apologize to someone? For some, it's “I'm sorry.” To them, that is an apology. To others, “I'm sorry,” is just getting started. They want to hear, “I was wrong. I should not have done that. What can I do to make it…

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  • Apologizing Enhances Self-Esteem

    People who grow up with low self-esteem, often find it difficult to apologize. To them, an apology seems to be a sign of weakness. In reality, apologizing enhances one's self-esteem. People respect the man or woman who is willing to take responsibility for their own failures. Receiving the respect and…

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  • Barriers are Removed with Apologies

    When Dr. Jennifer Thomas and I wrote the book: The five languages of Apology, we discovered that some people almost never apologize. One wife said, “My husband rarely apologizes, because he doesn't see a lot of what he does as wrong. He finds it hard to admit that he makes…

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